Everyone deals with grief differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and every death will affect you differently based on the relationship and connection you had with that person. The impact can also vary based on the circumstances surrounding the passing. Sudden or traumatic deaths can be far harder to handle than the natural aging process.
The most common responses to grief happen in stages.
Shock/Denial – The news of your loved one’s passing feels surreal, almost like a dream you cannot seem to wake up from. It becomes a slow seeping in of truth over time, a protection method so that the full impact doesn’t slam you all at once.
Anger – Anger covers pain. Anger is easier to deal with than the depth of pain loss can cause. Anger may come at the loss itself, at doctors, God, family members, or others. Anger may even be directed at the self. Anger is something to hold on to in many cases…the connection of anger can feel better than no connection at all. Don’t rush it, just allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and know it will eventually fade and you will be able to move forward.
Depression – Depression usually comes when you take a good realistic look at the present moment. The present without your former friend or family member. The reality of the absence settles in and your heart hurts. Life may seem meaningless and you may feel lost. Antisocial time is often needed for recuperation. Allow it, but be extra gentle to yourself – do something each day that makes you feel even just a little bit better. Even if it’s just making a cup of tea you really enjoy.
Acceptance – This is not to be confused with being “ok with” the what happened. No one is ever OK with loss. Acceptance is more about acknowledging the reality of what has taken place and finding some semblance of peace in it. This may come and go, good and bad days. Over time the good days will outnumber the bad. We can begin to live again at this stage, remembering the good with that person and allowing the grief and missing to fade.
These are not the only emotions you may experience and there is no regimented order. Allowing yourself to be genuine and feel whatever may come up for you is the quickest path to healing. Grief may be experienced through major life events other than death as well. Divorce, ending of a close relationship, loss of a job or home – all may be felt as loss in much the same way.
Monarch Wellness offers a whole array of classes and private sessions geared towards self-exploration and self-growth.
To learn more please visit:
http://monarchwellness.net/sessions/trauma-recovery-program/ or call (239) 231-3208.
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